Where To Start?
Well, it’s taken a deadly pandemic to bring me back to this blog but back I am. Things in Thailand and Covid-19 aren’t as bad as the UK and most of Europe but, like many people, I feel the need to start documenting this surreal time.
Previously on LiveandletThai
So far in March, I got married, had a sore throat, rushed to the hospital having recieved a text from my new wife that her work had sent her there to have a test to check for Corona, been informed that the work I have is about to dry up and watched the world slowly turn into a movie. It’s not been your standard March and in this particular movie all the main characters we noramlly see on the big screen are coming down with Covid-19 and posting about it on Instagram instead of saving the day.
I got married on the 6th March and it truly was the happiest day of my life (apart from that day I ate Coco-Pops for breakfast, lunch and dinner…you think I am joking?)
As some of you will know I made the move out here because I fell in love and it was the best decision of my life. My life has been full of great decisions (see Coco-pops anecdote above) but making the leap to move over here has topped the lot.
My mother and family friends (so close they’re practically family), flew over and it was a time none if us will forget. We’ll remember it until we’re all old and grey. Until we forget basic things like flushing the toilet after finishing…and….erm.
A tradition of Thai wedding ceremonies is the sharing of boiled eggs between the bride and (elegantly dressed despite wearing an ill-fitting hired silver suit) groom. I won’t describe what it was like, I think the following photographs speak volumes…
As you can see for yourself, they didn’t go down too well. But you can also see from these intimate photo’s that I handled the situation with all the grace and dignity you would expect from a member of the British empire.
I will write more about the wedding and the differences between them and what we, in the west, would consider ‘normal’ soon but first a light hearted topic you’ve probably heard very little about…
The conversations amongst my mum and friends would often turn to the subject of the virus and the growing sense of panic that was pulsating ever louder in the UK. The enormity of it hadn’t sunk in for any of us, especially me.
When the virus began to spread in China I woke every morning fully expecting the number of cases in Thailand to have exploded due to its proximity. Strangely they remained very low through February and the beginning of March. That changed about a week ago (15th March) and I began to notice a shift in the Thai government and sections of the public.
The large supermarket near me is usually busy but when I arrived on this particular day a huge crowd of people were queuing to get in. I quickly realised that the reason for the throng of people at the doorway was due to everyone having to have their temperature taken before being allowed in. Regular readers of this blog will know that when it comes to the heat in Thailand I am best described as ‘very Celtic’.
As sweat poured out of me while waiting my turn I began to wonder if my temperature would be too hot to be allowed in. Would I be told to leave as people around me began leaping away to take cover from the dirty sweaty white man? In the previous week the deputy prime minister of Thailand had been interviewed on the news and angryily said that the spread of the virus will be down to “foreigners not wearing masks to cover their mouths”.
A lot of Thai’s are appalled by him but I did feel a slight rise in my heart rate as the member of staff raised the ‘temperature scanning machine’to my head. ( I have no idea what they’re actually called but they place it near your forehead and it can read your temp). They look like something Captain Kirk would use but I have a feeling they’re not actually props from Star Trek. Luckily for me the temperature came back ok.
I was allowed into the store but it was an odd feeling and a sign of the new normality here in Bangkok. And while it is unsettling to have your temperature taken, it feels great when the result shows you’re (currently) in the clear.
As the situation has got worse over here I’ve begun to feel the need to start wearing a mask while in busy places but not out of fear of catching ‘that fucker’. I began wearing it in part because of the words of the deputy prime minister a week or two previous. Most Thai people know he’s a fool, he has a criminal record in Australia for drug smuggling years ago. He is also the same guy whose assistant was found to be hoarding face masks to sell to China, (yep, the Thai government is a tiny bit corrupt).
But despite this, I did have a slight worry that I would be without a mask somewhere and run into the company of a Thai equivalent of Tommy Robinson. One of the benefits of being lousy at self defence is that the beating will probably be brief but I don’t want to find out.
Luckily for us in Thailand, the masks seem to be in abundance over here. We also seem to have a never ending supply of hand sanitisers too. Bottles of it are placed at the entrance of every single shopping mall, restaurant and supermarket for people to use. This may have explained the relatively low cases over here, or so I thought. This was one thought I had until recently but as the numbers have began to double overnight here, I don’t think my guess may have been wrong.
Luckily the situation here is a far cry from my home country where there seems to be a huge lack of hand sanitisers. I can’t explain why this is the case so if anyone can enlighten me, I’d love to know.
We are also ok for toilet roll over here at the moment but don’t get me started on those fucking hoarding idiots in the UK…
I’m going to keep posting more regular now. Not only as something to do but also to document the view from here. It also gives my mum something to read – Hi Mum x.
I firmly believe that in times such as this, one of the best things we can do is laugh. After all, isn’t it said that it is the best medicine? So I will always aim to fill these posts with humour. To be honest, I can only really write humour anyway so you won’t be getting any Orwellian political insight here. I’ve also got a very ‘basic’ sense of humour, at times (I think that’s a poilte way of putting it).
I saw this yesterday and I am sure you will all take something from what I am about to reveal.
This article was published in the British newspaper The Sunday Sport which is best described as the most trusted source of news in the entire world…
I thought it nothing more than a joke until I saw what was the fourth most popular trending word on Twitter in the UK…
For my American friends, this may need some explanation. Jizz is erm…the substance that exits from a mans Disco Stick. Wanking is…erm when a man moves his Disco Stick in a rhythmic fashion.
Anyway, proud to have written a post that started with the most serious pandemic for a hundred years and finished (or should I say ‘climaxed?’) with a joke about wanking. It’s good to laugh.
Try to laugh and stay safe x